Because America has been the Evil Empire for way more than fiddy years it has developed as many enemies as there are ice cream choices at Baskins-Robbins and that is why I am always ready for some enemy country to try and have us blowed-up in a sneak nuclear attack.
Every evening, I put on my welding mask and have The Bride drive me slowly around Palm Beach county as I scan the horizon looking for the first flash of a bright deadly blast.
I will see the flash before I hear the explosion and because I am wearing a welding mask I will not be blinded by the flash and then I will immediately roll off the top of the car into a ditch and lay low as the blast force from the Nuclear weapon goes over my head leaving me perfectly safe to then go to a Sporting Goods Store and a Liquor Store to get what is necessary so I can then drive around getting liquored-up while blasting away at anyone or anything that looks suspicious.
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