Trump's Inaugural Address

Mick has secured an advance copy of Trump's Inaugural Address;

Chief Justice Roberts, President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world: Thank you.

President Carter couldn't be here today because he just recently dropped dead but I am sure a few of the folks from Georgia and the terrorists in the Middle East pine for him.

We, the citizens of America, are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together, we will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. We will face challenges, we will confront hardships, but we will get the job done the way my father got things done; by bribing officials, cheating on his taxes and regular outrageous raising of rents.

Every four years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Biden and First Lady Jill who, by the way is not a doctor doctor, for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you. 

Good riddance poopy pants.

Today's ceremony, however, has very special meaning. Because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, DC, and giving it back to you, the people.

Come on, settle down, I don't mean that literally . You think I spent all that time and money so YOU could have power?

Do YOU have your name in giant gold letters on a bigly beautiful plane?

For too long, a small group of foreigners in our Nation's Capital has used this place as a urinal and a shit hole but that time is coming to an end.

Meet Tom Homan, the human septic tank cleaner and border czar.  He will rooter rooter their assses back to Mexico and other shit hole countries south of the border where they came from.

T'Hell is wrong with them little minority midgets  naming their country Belize anyways?  That's a joke, right?

What truly matters is not which party controls our Government, but whether our Government is controlled by the people. January 20, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this Nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now.

Today we also remember our fallen heroes, men like the famous negro, Martin Luther King, who, if he was alive today, would be standing right here beside me looking up at and admiring my beautiful hair.

Marty, I speak to you today as though you were still alive; Marty, my man,,  if I have been POTUS back in the day, I'd have put you into a rocker ship and blasted you off into deep outer space where you would have been safe. 

Too bad, timing  is everything.

You who voted for me in great numbers, and have filled this space in numbers bigger than the dead negro drew, you came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before. 

At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction: that a nation exists to serve its citizens.

 Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves and a great football team in our nation's capitol that will, once again, be named after the Redskins, brave and rugged savages who stole and rode horses, wore moccasins and hats made out of wolverine asses and while it is true true enough that they got their asses handed to them by our military, they  fought tooth and nail like the bitches of Cabrini Greene who were threatened by officials  to have their EBT Cards lifted if they kept throwing their kids off the top of the roof cause their baby daddy's wouldn't pay alimony.

We are one Nation, and their pain is our pain, their dreams are our dreams, and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny and we are not living on stolen land.

We bought it or stole it from  those fools fair and square. 

The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans.

For many decades, we've enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military. We've defended other nations' borders while refusing to defend our own and spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas while America's infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We've made other countries rich while the wealth, strength, and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon and our showers began to suck mightily.

One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world.

But that is the past. And now we are looking only to the future.

From now on, I will impose tariffs on the import of  goods produced by commie bitches who took our plants overseas so poop eaters in China could make our own medicine, solar panels and those frigging Chink Finger Traps.

My poor son Baron, who is over 8 feet tall, had his fingers in one for nearly an entire autumn and kept injuring his nostrils because of that bamboo death trap.

 From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this day forward, it's going to be only America first, America first.

And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of Detroit or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty Creator and I will only support the abortion of those poor bastids up until the 38th week of pregnancy.

So to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: Did you vote for me"

If you did, you will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define our American destiny. And your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way.

If you didn't vote for me don't come crying to me about how the newest bestest tax cuts didn't really help you.

I don't care.

Together, we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud again. We will make American hair cuts great again.

And, yes, together, we will make America great again. Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America.