Friday Fun

 

ESPN has been shedding viewers at a substantial rate 

If they hired me to do commentary I think I could stop the loss of subscribers to their service by injecting provocative commentary into their news reporting.

Because Zach Wilson has been playing so poorly the Dog Ass Jets are interested in The Minnesota Vikings QB

Now, everyone knows that but it is how that general knowledge can be specifically targeted that could bring back viewers to ESPN

If they hired me, this is how I would report the rumors 

The  Jets are interested in acquiring Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins because he reminds them of Curt Cobain

Likes the shotgun 
Deadly accurate 
 

Because any sport that has only male participants has to have a female host or reporter, my ESPN Show would be “Mick and Lizzo in the  morning" and at least once a month we’d get into an argument and start throwing pies and doughnuts at each other

Tell me that would not be a hit show 

I used to be a pitcher with a pretty good arm

Imagine Lizzo saying something stupid *

“ It is racist not to have women QBs in The NFL” and then you’d see me grabbing a jelly doughnut and braining her in the brow with it

That's must see TV

Imagine there is Lizzo, 

It isn’t hard to do. 

400 pounds of stupid.  

A giant tub of goo