Friday Fun

The GOP Debate in Simi Valley California, a public crime,  was committed on Wednesday. In case you were fortunate and missed it I will summarise it here:

Stuart Varney  Governor DeSantis, the people of Florida have had their homeowners and car insurance rates doubled during this past year. What do you have to say about that?"

Thank you for the question Mr Varney. I am delighted to be here in this beautiful valley which is surrounded by mountains. 

In Florida, our state is flatter than the chests of the preteens on the Chinese Women's  Olympic Gymnastics team.

Varney "But, insurance rates Governor..."

I'm getting to that Mr Varney. 

This is my second term as Governor and I am proud that Florida continues to lead the nation in the number of Palm Trees despite a few hurricanes.

. " But insurance rates Governor..."

Mr Varney, I stand proudly before the American people as the husband of a beautiful wife and the father of three wonderful children but I would not be entirely honest with voters if I didn't mention that I have been the only Governor in Florida history to have had an increase in colonoscopies performed on our voters while at the same time having fewer of them exploding and dying during that procedure.

Well, I see my time is expiring and I'd just like to say God Bless America and to our children listening to this interesting debate and who are our future, remember to brush your teeth and listen to your Moms when they tell you to wear clean underwear when you take the family car to go The Dollar Tree.  

I kept waiting for Senator Tim Scott to introduce the country to his girlfriend ( he’s rumored not to like women) as he promised to do a few weeks ago

“ I know there has been a lot of rumors and speculation about whether or not I have a girlfriend. 

Tonight, I put those nasty rumors to bed by saying I am dating a wonderful and beautiful Christian woman who used to go out with a linebacker from Notre Dame.”