Friday Fun

                          Bullets in Bambi

Every single year since the CDC began keeping records, The Northeast Kingdom of Vermont leads the nation in incest, insanity and imbecility.

The industrial base of this inane inbred island of insipidity is comprised of the manufacture of God's Eyes, Dream Catchers and providing guards for all of  the gigantic barns erected to store all of the unsold What Would Jesus Do? (WWJD) paraphernalia created by your average Ed and Edna Evangelical.

Rumors abound about the number of Middle School female students in Essex County who spend their entire summer preparing for their freshman year of High School by procuring falsies and bright shiny stiletto heel shoes and mini skirts with material so lacking in substance and size that most haberdashers confess -  Man, that's not enough material to cover a can of tuna say nothing about covering your can - so they can hopefully get knocked up, leave their family's barn and move into the cellar of her Baby-Daddy's Single Mother's FHA house and file for Unemployment, Welfare, Food Stamps, SSI Disability and WIC.

Wilton "Woodchuck" Wilson, researcher at the University of Vermont's " Department of Social Studies and Such" thinks that the excuse proffered by the Fathers of the girls - Hell, the very name of our county has Sex in it - is not a legitimate excuse for what happens to the young women in the county but, rather, Professor Wilson thinks what happens is the Fathers just get sick of feeding, clothing and housing the little tramps and if'n'theys want to peddle their ass that is their choice, I'm too damn busy fixing the fuel pump on my Ski Doo do to worry about that dammit, now leave me alone.

Most folks in other parts parts of the country are unaware that The Northeast Kingdom possesses a unique blend of romance and hunting in a great and enduring tradition in that beautiful part of the world.

For instance Bullets in Bambi is an idiom referring to how not a few of the local men, itching to get a deer and get a dear, combine hunting and betrothal in one glorious season.

Here is a typical example of what I am talking about: