As I was registering for my colonoscopy the other day the secretary asked if I had any questions and so I whispered:

If there are serious complications will this place comp my hearse? *

And today when the nurse called me to ask how I was after my procedure I said:

I feel quite normal except that I have suddenly developed a desire to listen to show tunes

All of this is inexplicable. 

Nobody in my Fam ever did this but I have said these things for as long as I can remember and the weird thing is it is solely for my own amusement. 

*